After 20 years of marriage, a friend offered my wife Teresa and I to take “a spin” on his bicycle-made-for-two. The next thing you know we are entered in a 40 mile bike ride with 75 other cyclists. Talk about fun! To start we learned to place our pedals at 10 o’clock. We both clipped in our left shoe, then 1, 2, 3 go and we were off. After maneuvering our way through the pack with Teresa slightly nervous, as in rush hour traffic, we got comfortable and I wanted to know the location of the two other tandem couples we identified at the start. My stoker (the person on the back) asked me if this was a race or just a ride. I responded that it’s just a ride until one of the tandems attempts to finish ahead of us. “Oh stop it!” she replied. The first chance we got we opened her up. We pulled around the two tandems and headed downhill. Man, that machine rode nice. I remember feeling like we were on rails…so smooth and rock solid. We got er up to about 31 miles per hour. Several of the single bikes tucked in behind us to enjoy the ride and benefit from our draft. Teresa called em leaches. I sensed she was beginning to dig this tandem riding.
Our next move was to shop for our own tandem. It was not an easy investment decision because we realized that operating this machine required advanced marriage skills. We now understood when we first borrowed the tandem why the wife said to Teresa, “You better know how to submit”. You see, on a tandem – the pilot (me) is the captain or the leader. I’m responsible for steering, shifting, braking, communicating and sensing danger ahead (traffic, hazards such as glass, rocks, and dead armadillos). The stoker (Teresa) is the support rider who doesn’t have to see the road ahead, but what is around us and behind us. She acts as my helper or extra set of eyes as we navigate this hunk of metal. She plays a critical role in signaling and seeing things that I don’t see. She now says things like “Dog at 3 o’clock WITHOUT LEASH, which translates, PEDAL! She exercises a lot of trust in my ability to pilot. Her rear handlebars have fake brake levers. They’re there for the feel only, so she goes where I go. Talk about surrender.
After 20 years of riding the same machine together and logging thousands of miles we can testify that a tandem is all about trust and need. As the pilot I must demonstrate that I can be trusted and lead us safely by communicating…”coast”, “pedal”, or “bump” or I might get a spanking. Not really, but she may not respond as quickly to my request for an energy bar if I’m not apologetic. I choose not to ride with her like I would on my single bike where I often cut through gas stations and roll through intersections. I really need her to help me navigate unfamiliar areas and I especially need her to conquer the hills. Can you see the parallel to marriage?
Marriage is a lot like riding a tandem. In Philippians 2:3-4, we read, “Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than himself; Do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.” I am convinced that great marriages and great families are rooted in self-denial. In a truly biblical marriage, both people are willing to give up their lives for one another. Piloting this tandem reminds me of my great responsibility to lead as a husband. I am responsible for her safety and security. I’m mindful of the great trust she has in me, true surrender as my support rider in this marriage. The kind of surrender celebrated on a tandem is real. My wife doesn’t want the responsibility of piloting our family but man can she see things that I fail to see. With life’s hills and challenges that we’ve faced over the years I’m incredibly grateful for her role as a co-pilot.